To Watch The Light Fade
by Eppsism
Summary: Wars often leave areas devastated and unusable. Who knew they could leave hearts like that, too?
1. In Which Zell Is Missing

The war started as an uprising in Deling City. After the Ultimecia incident, no one could be blamed for not trusting the authorities, but it only made things more difficult for Garden. It was like a world war. No one could agree anymore and as much as Squall tried to be diplomatic about everything, he was in over his head. Laguna helped where he could, but world situations were tense.

Seifer had spent the war as a teacher at Garden, watching as all the SeeDs went off to fight when it should have been him. When he should have been the first to go kick some rebel ass. But he hadn't been. Selphie, Quistis, and Irvine had gone. Squall had to stay, but it was obvious he _wanted_ to go fight. Rinoa was happy he didn't.

And then there was Zell.

Zell had been part of Unit Seven. Well, not only _part_ of it; he'd been the leader. And from what Seifer had heard, he'd made a great one. The smaller blond had been deployed for a year and Seifer was glad he was finally coming back. Selphie and them had been back for about three months, and everyone else was slowly returning.

It was finally Zell's turn.

Which meant Seifer had a chance to redeem himself and to hopefully rekindle the friendship he and Zell had once had as children. He cracked his fingers one by one as he waited in the parking lot. Any minute now Zell's car was going to pull up. He just had to wait. And he did. He waited and watched SeeD after SeeD, many of whom were beaten up, got out and ran to the safe haven behind him.

And then they stopped coming and Zell had yet to be seen. Seifer's stomach turned and, just to be sure, he waited a little longer. After all, maybe Zell had stopped by Balamb to see his ma. Maybe he should wait until tomorrow to bug the boy... Because, at the ripe age of 19, yes, Zell was a boy. Though, he'd be 20 soon, so perhaps it was wrong for Seifer to still think of him as one.

Hours passed and Seifer didn't know how late it had gotten until Nida came to wake him up and tell him he failed to show up to the class he was supposed to teach. Nida said he hadn't seen Zell. _But he was supposed to be there_. Seifer had heard the boy was receiving a commendation for dragging his squad out of a fire.

So where was he?

Heart beating noticeably faster, Seifer made his way up to the Headmaster's office to see Squall. He'd know what was going on. Except that he _claimed_ to know nothing.

_"Zell should have been in one of those cars, Seifer! I'm telling you the truth."_

"Fuck you, Leonhart. He _wasn't_ in one of those cars and you know _damn well _why." It was a good thing they'd had this conversation in person, because otherwise there would be a scene. Twenty-one was too old to be making a scene.

Squall hesitated, sighed, and took a seat behind his desk. "About a month ago, we received a message from Zell's second-in-command saying he was MIA. We assumed we'd find him in time to get him back; I guess he didn't show."

Seifer snarled. "You don't seem so concerned."

The tension levels in the room tripled. _Was _that concern? Leonhart was sweating; he could see it. Maybe that _was_ worry. Maybe that was Squall trying to cope with losing his best friend. The blond's expression softened slightly, but it didn't help his anger die down.

"Seifer, don't do this." But it was no use. His mind was made up; both men knew that. Seifer was stubborn and did as he wanted, not as he was told. So he insisted, he had to go find Zell.

And he would. He would do anything. And maybe it didn't make sense, even to him. Maybe he wasn't sure how his opinion of the boy could have changed so drastically. But what he knew was that it had and Zell had risked his life for this war and it wasn't even his place. He had helped save the world once already. Seifer should have been the one to die trying to fix things. "Where was he last seen?"

The question seemed to take Squall by surprise, but he straightened up. "Cleaning up in Trabia. He'd been assigned to recon when the Trabia Division informed us they were shorthanded. His unit was sent to assist. Zell left Garden to find some soldiers who got lost in a blizzard, but he never came back."

"I'd like to take a leave." It was blunt, no two ways about it. And he knew he didn't need to elaborate; Squall would understand. Because if it were Rinoa, he'd do the same thing. Squall would relinquish all control to go find her.

Another sigh was met momentarily by silence. "You're not going over there. We're already planning a recovery mission," Squall assured, as if it was meant to keep Seifer there. Keep him from looking. Instead, he was fuming, hands balled into fists at his sides.

"Then let me lead, damn it!" Seifer was well aware it was a ridiculous request. He wasn't SeeD. He wasn't special, and definitely not a good leader. But he'd proven himself this last year. He'd been leading better, getting better at everything he could. It might not have been enough, but it was something.

More silence took over. Seifer fell back into a chair and slumped, fingernails releasing his palm. Squall's breathing was heavy, uncertain, but even. He was calm. "Why is this so important to you? I thought you hated each other."

The blond scoffed. At one point in time, that may have been true. But now? Squall didn't know what had been going on. Squall knew _nothing_. It had been a gradual change in Seifer that caused it, too. Something no one noticed. "That's not even close." And it wasn't. Not anymore. In fact, he was on the opposite end of the spectrum now.

Or, something of the like.

"You'll bring my men back safe?" Squall asked, though it shouldn't have been necessary. Enough lives had been lost at Seifer's hand; he'd bring them back. It should have been obvious.

"I'd go alone if you wanted."

"Say goodbye tonight. You ship out first thing tomorrow morning."

And he was okay with that.


	2. In Which Hypothermia Sets In

The frost bite had kicked in. Seifer could hardly move, and feeling his toes hadn't been possible for hours, not that his squad looked any better off than he was. And if he didn't feel guilty about that, it was only because he had given all of them the option to go home and nobody had.

But the situation was grim and it was hard to imagine how anyone could have survived alone for this long.

Yet none of them admitted that Zell was probably dead. Well, one guy had, but the glares he got had shut him up pretty good. As for the others, the cold is what sewed their lips. Which was totally understandable.

"Hey, Team Leader," a voice called. A man's voice. Seifer didn't know the man's name, but he acknowledged the comment with a nod. "Why've you got us running around out here in the freezing cold searching for a _dead_ man?"

And there it was. The I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-this-assignment attitude Seifer had expected earlier.

Only, it boiled his blood more than he had anticipated.

Hands curling into fists at his side, shoulders tense and straight, he turned around and stomped towards the SeeD. If looks could kill, he would be able to keep that promise he made Squall. The one where he said he'd bring them home.

"There's no proof he's dead," the blond spat. "And I would search to the ends of the earth if it meant finding him. If you can't do the mission, call home and leave, but I'm staying until Zell's recovered."

"But, boss, if we stay out here much longer, we'll freeze!"

His eyes closed in sympathy. Yes, it was tragic. Yes, he was cold. But the offer to go home was still valid. He hadn't forced anymore into this, and he wasn't planning on changing that now.

_He_ would freeze. That didn't mean they'd have to.

Pivoting towards the biggest clump of the group, he stood up a bit straighter and locked his hands together behind his back.

"Anyone who wants to, go home," he offered again. "But this kid saved my life and one way or another I'm bringing him home. All soldiers deserve that much."

Silently, he padded back off into the snow. His squad made their decisions. Seven of them turned back towards Trabia Garden. It left three with him.

The lack of manpower wasn't mentioned, though. He went on as if it wasn't important, because he had offered to do this as a solo mission. It was important to him; _Zell_ was important to him. Well, perhaps it was more so the redemption that came with saving Zell.

He _needed_ that redemption. Craved it.

Too many people saw him as the enemy still. Too many people couldn't look past his mistakes or see him as a person. But he was.

"So, do you three know Zell personally?"

The girl smirked and rubbed at her upper arms, stumbled a little closer.

"He and I went on a few dates, but it was nothing serious. I just can't stand the thought of..."

_Of him being dead?_

Seifer slipped his hands into his pockets. They'd find him soon, hopefully. He had to be _somewhere_. And - wasn't there a village nearby? Maybe the fighter had wandered over there...

"The Shumi Village should only be another mile or two that direction. We can try there, stay at the hotel to rest up, and if we don't find him, we'll head out again later."

It seemed logical. But what was his idea of rest? Hopefully enough for everybody. He could have run three marathons and kept going on the adrenaline provoked by the nerves. Whatever it took. And yeah, that looked ridiculous to anyone who knew him.

But he had to stop hiding.

Years ago, in a small orphanage, a boy named Seifer asked a younger Zell to kiss him, but Zell said he wouldn't until Seifer learned something about honor and respect. Which wasn't exactly a no. It had been a 'not right now.'

But maybe _now_. Now that Seifer had learned those things and knew how to treat people. He needed a chance. Just one.

The leader didn't realize how long he'd been walking until they came upon the village. Taking the elevator down, the temperature became a bit more tolerable. Somehow. He sent Zell's ex and the boy who'd been keeping her warm to check in with the people running the hotel. The guy left with him was small, definitely a brand new SeeD, and looked like a wimp. But he didn't care.

The two walked to the Elder's hut to ask if they'd seen Zell, but the chief was cryptic as ever and Seifer just got pissed. They left without an answer, though the general consensus was that Zell hadn't been there and they were wasting their time. So if Seifer was angry when they got back to the hotel, that was why.

He had New Kid explain.

* * *

For the fifth time that night, Seifer rolled over to look at the clock. It was still only two in the morning. He still hadn't slept. Well... surely there wasn't any harm in taking a stroll.

So that's what he did.

He shot up, slipped on his jacket, and left wordlessly, somehow managing not to wake any of his team. It was just as chilly in the snowy wasteland as it had been hours before. If not colder. And his body temperature hadn't even gotten warm enough to settle, so he was at a disadvantage already.

Like a bat, he turned left immediately after stepping outside the village borders,but hesitated. They'd been that way the day before. So he stepped back through his footprints and went in the opposite direction.

And he ran.

Ran as well as he could with the gravity on his boots. It felt as though he were two times heavier with each step.

Breath heavy, he collapsed after three hours of running. Simply fell in the snow with a dull thud, cheeks an intense rose, eyes falling shut. His throat was dry and his lungs must have been impaired given how difficult breathing became.

"Zell!" he screamed in desperation, voice cracked and hoarse. "Goddamnit, Zell, just... just come back."

Footsteps. Though vision faded, he heard the snow fall from boots and feet hit the ice layer underneath. Or, was that his imagination?

"Seifer?" he heard. "Hyne, Seifer, what the hell are _you_ doing here?"

He blinked. There were black spots, far too many of them. Vision faded into nothingness, but that voice... he knew that voice. He offered a small smirk, or what was supposed to be one anyway.

"What're _you_ doing here, chickie? Been looking for ya everywhere..."

"That was a stupid thing to do."

A small laugh. Seifer shook his head and tried to sit up.

"We gotta talk, Dincht."

Zell laughed and knelt beside him, ruffled his hair. How did he look so _good_? So _healthy_?

"Let's get you fixed up first. Where'd you come from? Shumi Village?"

A small nod was the response and Zell helped the man to his feet, threw his arm over his shoulder, and started walking. Dragging Seifer would slow them some, but that didn't matter as long as they got back safely. Squall was gonna get a kick out of this.

"Relax, Almasy. You're too tense. Your muscles are gonna get stiff."

"S'cold. I'm stressed."

"Let it go, man. Relax."

But he couldn't. His team had been searching for days for Zell and here he was in better condition than all of them. How? Whatever was going on, he didn't like it. And Zell acting so polite toward him was strange at best. Maybe he wasn't himself, either.

Maybe this was Seifer with Ultimecia all over again.

But how?


End file.
